Reflections From the Bedside of My Dying Mother (Part 2)

Right from the start, we were told that Mom's time was close, so we expected her to go any minute,   I was counting her breaths - four times a minute for over four days, checking her saturation levels, checking her pulses, monitoring the color in her lips, looking for "the signs" that death was imminent.  One night, "all the signs" were there. We did FaceTime with my sister and her husband, and with my niece on the mainland.

That door, that I mentioned in Part 1 of this post, was open.  I had felt the presence of the door several days after Mom came home from the hospital, but didn't feel  much activity around it.  The night Mom had all the signs of dying, I felt many relatives come through the door and gather around Mom.  My oldest brother felt it as well.  I made note of who was coming through - Grandpa, Grandma, Mom's siblings and other family members.  I felt my Grandpa go around the room and kiss everyone on the forehead. He kissed me on the left side of my head.  We were all crying and telling Mom how much we loved her and waited for her to take her last breath.... and waited... and waited. After an hour, I told our relatives I'd call them when she passed.

It was like Mom went right up to the door, took a peak, and decided she wasn't ready yet! Within a short time, all the signs of imminent death vanished. Her breathing even improved from four breaths a minute to eight - ten! We were all astounded. She lived for another four to five  days after that.

I continue to be brought to my knees at the depth of sorrow I am feeling over the loss of my Mom. Somehow I really thought I was ready for her to pass over, but I didn't understand the huge hole that would be left in not just my world, but the entire world. The entire world is different now that she is gone.  I didn't expect that.

So some lessons learned and 20/20 hindsight I have to offer:

• We can never really "plan" anything.  It will all unfold the way it should, we really don't have any control, except over our own decisions of how to BE, how to respond, how to react.
  
• If you have an older loved one, talk to them about how they are feeling about their "last trip" that is eventually coming up. This is an opportunity to explore your own mortality.
  
• Take the time to express your gratitude to your loved one. It will enrich both your lives in the present.
  
•  Make sure all legal paperwork is up to date, for your loved on and you. Ask questions you wouldn't think to ask.  We didn't find out until Mom died, that her pension could have been passed on to a beneficiary!  Who knew!? This could have been easily remedied had we thought to ask the right question!
  
• Imagine what it would be like to NOT have a certain loved one in your life.  I wish I would have done that.  I kept telling myself that Mom lived a very long life.  I knew she was weary dealing with various health issues.  I just thought about the relief it would be for her to pass.  I didn't think about how it would affect me. I made the wrong assumption that just because she lived a long life, it would be easier to say goodbye.
  
• Take the time to evaluate your life, your goals, your legacy.  Are you where you want to be?  Make a plan, write it down, fill your dreams daily with energy to keep them alive.