|
Growing pains are real. My Uncle David grew to be 6’5 and often recounted how much his bones hurt due to his consistent growth spurts when he was young. It’s like that when you grow in other ways too.
In my last post, I shared a difficult conversation I had with my daughter, regarding her being queer. She told me that when I say that I’m “dealing” with it and “adjusting to her being queer, it hurts her mental health; that it makes it sound that being queer is something bad. I didn’t realize that she interpreted it that way. I didn’t see it coming and it took me by surprise. We are going through growing pains, together and separately. I’ve had some time to reflect on our recent conversations about her sexuality and the verbiage I use around my experience of having a queer daughter. She let us know about a year and a half ago that she is pan. She told me that should be sufficient time for me to “get over it, because it’s not that big of a deal”. It is a big deal to me, and for many people in my generation. Being raised Mormon has a lot to do with it being hard as well. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I was still using words like struggling and working through it. I’ve had to search for new words that don’t connote negativity. So I now say I’m growing through it. I’m growing through my mixed feelings. I’m sifting through my beliefs. I’m giving deep thought to what really matters. I more deeply understand the feelings my mother had when I told her I stopped going to church and that I wasn’t going back. She asked me to go back to church for her. I told her that as much as I loved her, I couldn’t do that. In a nutshell, I didn’t fit the box. Going to church actually made me feel bad about myself. I felt like a hypocrite when I went to church, because I wasn’t being true to myself. Mom’s experience was the opposite, so it was hard for her to understand my perspective. Despite that, she accepted and loved me. I love Jas with all my heart. I want her to be happy. I’m growing into the understanding that just as I had to do what was right for me, Jasmine has to do what’s right for her. And this is as it should be. I read this to Jasmine and I have her full approval to post this.
0 Comments
Posted with permission by Luanna and Bryleigh Ah, the journey called life. There are ups and downs, smooth paths and difficult ones and boy are there a lot of surprises! I’m dealing with an unexpected situation that has caused a lot of soul searching. Our daughter, Luana, let us know last summer that she is bi. I totally didn’t see that one coming. She’s currently 21 and has had boyfriends since she was 13 years old. When she came home for Christmas last year she said she was gay. I’m a bit in the dark when it comes to all the terminology that’s out there nowadays, so I had to ask her if that was different from being bi. Her response was, “well actually I’m pan”. My response to that was “what the hell does THAT mean?!?” She enlightened me and said “pan is where you are attracted to the person/personality and it doesn’t matter what gender they are”. OK wow, new information! We are currently traveling in our RV with Luana and her girlfriend Bryleigh. My husband, Steve, introduced Bryleigh as Luana’s friend the other day. Oh boy. We got an ear full later that night. She let us know it was totally inappropriate to call Bryleigh her friend, when she is her girlfriend. It was a very hard conversation for me because Luana told us that we needed to live by a higher standard and not be homophobic. Wait, what?!? We have been accepting and welcoming of Bryleigh, and umm, hello! she is traveling with us for 10 days on our trip around the Pacific NorthWest. We’re homophobic??!! Really? I’m sharing my messy middle of how I’m striving to live an extraordinary life. This particular part is VERY MESSY. It’s PAINFUL! Being open and honest is important to me. So when Luana asked me what I thought of Bryleigh after meeting her the first time, I honestly said I thought she was lovely, but it was hard to see them holding hands. She told me in our recent chastising that my saying that caused her a lot of mental health trauma for months. Wow. I had no idea. Learning to navigate what’s appropriate to say and what’s NOT is like groping in the dark. We had another talk this morning. This one went better. We shared our hurts, and clarified our misunderstandings. Luana said I’m not exactly homophobic, but from her perspective, I still have a way to go on Queer ettiquite. By the way, the proper term is queer, not gay. “Queer is the umbrella term for LGBTQ+”. Terminology and meanings change in each generation. My mom used to say she was feeling gay, meaning she was happy. We, her children, let her know that it meant something else. She was just as surprised as I was learning what pan meant. The scenario of having a gay, oops, a queer daughter was NOWHERE in my life’s expectations. How is this a blessing in disguise? As difficult as it is to adjust to what is, it is a way to get to know Luana better. It is an opportunity for self reflection and growth. After all, isn’t that all a part of living an extraordinary life? *This is a very condensed version of our talk. I will be posting a more in depth blog some time soon. We are currently visiting family in Oregon. I went for a run this morning in a nearby ravine. I’ve been there before and thought I knew the path well. I decided to take a different way back, thinking it would be so simple and take me to the hill that would lead me back to the main road. Oh boy. After a while, I became unsure of where I was exactly. After what seemed like forever, I finally saw someone and asked if I was on the right path to get to the main road. They asked me the name of the main road. Uuuuuh, I didn’t know! Instead of beating myself up, I told myself this is a good lesson for me to learn from, and that sooner or later, I’d reach my destination. It made me look at my life’s goals and ask myself” Do you know where you are? And do you know where you are going?”
So I kept on going, and after another long stretch thought I must be going the wrong way because nothing seemed familiar to me.(Create guideposts for yourself in your life’s goals, so you will recognize the right way. I turned back, only to turn back AGAIN because I wasn’t sure where I was. I made it to a place I recognized and stayed on the path I knew would get me to my destination. My 40 minute run turned into an 80 minute run/walk. I had a lot of time to apply the lessons of my morning adventure. Whether you are going for a jog or setting a goal in life, you first need to know where you are starting from. Gather important information, like the main road that leads to your end goal. Take note of landmarks (examples of others who have gone where you want to go). Pay attention to your path. Do you need to change directions? Will the road you are on get you to where you want to go? Ask for help, be specific. “I need to get to 19th Street, can you tell me how to get there? Which is the fastest way” etc. Take some time to evaluate where you are. Are you headed in the right direction? Are you seeing signs confirming you are on the right path? Revisit the goals and dreams you set for yourself at the beginning of the year.Take the time to adjust your compass, if needed. Learn from those who have reached the goal or destination you are aiming for. Keep going. Always know where you are. Do you have a similar story? I’d love to hear it! God whispers life’s lessons to me when I cook.
I was making one of my now favorite recipes for scones. The first time I made the scones, I was a little nervous. I’m a great cook, but I don’t do a lot of baking. I got to the part where you grate frozen butter in and mix it together with the flour mixture until it looks like “coarse meal”. Ok, that was easy. I was feeling good about this recipe. I was enjoying the aroma of fresh oranges, and looking forward to re-experiencing its deliciousness, while I added the sour cream and egg to the flour mixture. The recipe instructed me to use a fork to mix “until large dough clumps form”. Uh oh. It didn’t seem to be working, so I got my hands in there and OH BOY, WHAT A MESS! I had a bunch of little clumps sticking to my hands and I just couldn’t see how this was going to work out as planned. Thankfully, the recipe stated the dough will be sticky, “but as you press, the dough will come together”. So I trusted the recipe and kept pressing the mess (I could not call it dough at that point) against the bowl. Low and behold, with perseverance, it magically came together to form a beautiful and fragrant ball of dough! I was relieved and elated! Other little “support messages” I gleaned from this recipe was to:
Have you had a similar experience with a recipe? I’d love to hear about it. The link for the short recipe video is below. Enjoy! |
AuthorSpiritual Foodie, Chef, Holistic RN, Healer Archives
August 2024
Categories |
RSS Feed