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I do a lot of self development work, how about you? I absolutely love learning new things, and discovering new ideas. I listen to a lot of books and podcasts, I devour courses focused on improving my mind/body/spirit. The theme in the last couple of weeks has been about being and staying positive. I'd like to share something that I do that helps me with that. One of my affirmations is "The Universe surprises and delights me on a daily basis". So I LOOK for these surprises and delights. Most of them are little things, but some of them have really knocked my socks off. Through sad experience, I've learned that if I don't write them down, I forget them - even the big ones! So I would suggest you look for and document your manifested positive expectations! Yesterday the Universe surprised and delighted me with these tiny, perfect flowers that sprouted from my oregano! (See picture below at the bottom) Who knew that oregano had flowers? This may seem so small , but if you understand the spiritual laws of seeking and finding, or expecting positive things, and what you focus on expands, you realize it's NOT SMALL. It is an attestation that what you expect, you get - BIG and small! Isn't this exciting? This of course works the same for expecting negative things, so be careful what you focus on! One of my BIG positive expectations is to have a net worth of $20 million by the time I'm 70. That gives me 8.2 years. (For those of you who are thinking SEVENTY?!?! Dreams don't have deadlines or age limits!) Of course this takes work, and believing, and more work, and focus, and TONS of learning, and growing. I believe it is possible for me, and for you, if that's what your want. Because I am marinating this goal in positive expectation, I know that opportunities and "chance meetings" will happen. Belief energetically sets things in motion. HOW COOL IS THAT? Here is a list of some of my favorite tools to help me BE and STAY positive:
Ok my sustenance seekers! I hope you have enjoyed this. If so, please share my posts and YouTube Channel with others. Here is an affiliate link for GrowthDay, should you want to check it out for a free 14 day trial. I use the Pro version. It's so worth it because it provides SO MANY methods to keep me learning and growing and staying in positive vibes. It's a place where you can journal, write out your goals, plan your to-do lists, and ask yourself some thought provoking questions on a daily basis. I LOVE IT! Here is the link: https://www.growthday.com/?via=maile67  We had been told from the very beginning that Mom's time was close, so we truly expected her to go any moment from the time she made it home. We were worried that two of my brothers wouldn't make it home in time, as they were on the mainland. Though she was only breathing 4 times a minute, unable to eat or drink, 5 days later, she was still with us. I was burned out, but was determined to give Mom the best care I could and to be there 24/7. That's when I met Rebecka, a Hospice Nurse who worked on weekends. All of Mom's Nurses were great, but there was something that stood out about Rebecka. She was extremely present in each moment. She was relaxed. Being a Nurse myself, I know how busy and overworked Nurses are. Being present and relaxed is quite a feat, especially considering your workload. It was such a blessing and gift to experience it. It's NOT EASY, but she made it seem effortless. She was unrushed. She sat down next to Mom after doing her assessment. She wanted to get to know more about Mom. I, on the other hand, was not so calm. I was vigilantly monitoring Mom's oxygen levels, peripheral pulses, skin color, signs of pain, suctioning, turning her every two hours, keeping her clean, moistening her mouth etc. BIG SIGH! Rebecka gently told me that the oxygen was probably extending Mom's life. She looked straight at me and said, "don't worry about all the numbers, just BE WITH YOUR MOM." She advised us NOT to stay in Mom's room 24/7; to take a break, go eat at the dining table, rest, give mom a chance to pass alone, if that was what she wanted. That was a huge AHA moment. I had not even considered that Mom might want to slip out when no one was in the room! WHOA! That was a big relief for us! It gave us room to breathe a little. I took her off the oxygen. I was much less worried about the numbers, and just spent time BEING with my Mom. It was good to feel the softness of her skin, to kiss her cheeks, to hold her hand, to reminisce with my other siblings around her bedside about our best memories of her. If or when you are at a loved one's death bed, these are good things to keep in mind. I can humbly admit, 8 weeks after her death, that I added myself into Mom's death process. I had it all planned out! I was going to be there when she took her last breath, it was going to be an amazing spiritual experience. Looking back, it is a little embarrassing and laughable that I would incorporate what I wanted her experience to be, you know? I humbly share this with you, so that if you ever go through a similar experience, please remember, it's not YOUR death experience, it's theirs. The grieving process, however, is totally yours. Everyone grieves differently. Mom's death hit me hard. I didn't expect to feel so untethered; I didn't realize what an anchor she was in my life. Yesterday marked 2 months since she passed. I've made it 3 days in a row without breaking down. I tear up a lot. I give myself grace. Each person in my immediate family is grieving in their own unique way. It doesn't look like my process and it is OK. My sister, LaVerna, gave me a book called "Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss". It's a good book that helped me release some more tears. She also sent me a little angel figurine that says "find comfort and heal". She was so thoughtful and kind to send me something to help me grieve, even though she is going through the same loss. The takeaway recipe for this post is:
My intent for all my posts is to offer sustenance that feeds your body, mind, and soul. If this has helped you, or if you know someone who may need to hear this, please share it. Until next time, aloha We were blessed to be able to bring Mom home to die. She was with us for nine days. It was intensely exhausting, wonderful, painful and sweet all wrapped up into one. She wasn't able to communicate or respond. She was unable to swallow, eat, or drink. She was bed bound.
We opened Mom's home up to family and friends who wanted to pay their respects to her before she passed. She had a lot of visitors. The second day, 48 people came! It was through all these visitors, I learned what the proper and best death bedside etiquette is. I was astounded that most people were not aware of how to behave at the side of someone's death bed. First of all, it's a sacred time and space. Reverence (deep respect) should be shown during your visit. All your attention should be focused on the person dying. Talking to them as if they are listening, is great, because they are listening! Sharing what you learned, or how you were helped, or what you are thankful for by having known that person is healing for you, for the person dying, and for their family. If there are many people in the room, the focus of the conversation can easily turn away from the person you came to pay your respects to. There was one time in particular that things became loud and about ordinary topics. The conversation was happening over Mom and had nothing to do with her. At first, I didn't know how to prevent that. I didn't want anyone to feel chastised, So I asked my oldest brother early on to greet people at the door, to welcome them, and before bringing them back to Mom's room, to ask that once they were done visiting with Mom, they were welcome to return to the Living Room if they wanted to visit with others who were also there. This worked well. There was one time where immediate family members got into a topic that was quite charged. I softly said that what was being discussed was important, and asked that they could continue it in another room, so that the energy around Mom would remain peaceful and calm. They were really good about it and changed the subject and put the focus back on Mom. We're all human, and it's easy to forget that you are in a sacred space during the transition of the soul. The best example of how to conduct yourself was from one of the members of my Mom's Ward. It was her Bishop (Similar to a Father or Priest). He came into the room quietly. He nodded to the family members present and then went straight to Mom. He sat next to her, and without a word, took her hand very lovingly. I could feel him praying for her and then sending her energy. Tears streamed down his face. He was only there for a few minutes. He kissed her hand on his way out, and left as silently as he came in. Wow. That was powerful. It brings tears to my eyes now as I recall the experience. The second and last time he came, he followed his silent routine.. Before he left, he kissed her feet. OMG. The love in that simple act was so profound and beautiful! It opened a floodgate of tears then, as it does now. We are a Hawaiian family. Hawaiian style, on any occasion, includes music. There were friends and family who came to serenade Mom. There is something magical about the strumming of an ukulele blended with sweet voices. Mom and Dad used to serenade their guests when they came to visit, so it was so wonderful to have the sweet spirit of Hawaiian music filling the room. Our cousins came late one night and sang acapella for Mom. It felt like a piece of Heaven was beamed into the house. In summary, the best advice I can give you on making a visit to someone who is dying, is to bring a sense of sacredness, reverence and gratitude. These three things will make the experience a healing one for all who are present. I would love to hear any additional insights you may have on this. Right from the start, we were told that Mom's time was close, so we expected her to go any minute, I was counting her breaths - four times a minute for over four days, checking her saturation levels, checking her pulses, monitoring the color in her lips, looking for "the signs" that death was imminent. One night, "all the signs" were there. We did FaceTime with my sister and her husband, and with my niece on the mainland.
That door, that I mentioned in Part 1 of this post, was open. I had felt the presence of the door several days after Mom came home from the hospital, but didn't feel much activity around it. The night Mom had all the signs of dying, I felt many relatives come through the door and gather around Mom. My oldest brother felt it as well. I made note of who was coming through - Grandpa, Grandma, Mom's siblings and other family members. I felt my Grandpa go around the room and kiss everyone on the forehead. He kissed me on the left side of my head. We were all crying and telling Mom how much we loved her and waited for her to take her last breath.... and waited... and waited. After an hour, I told our relatives I'd call them when she passed. It was like Mom went right up to the door, took a peak, and decided she wasn't ready yet! Within a short time, all the signs of imminent death vanished. Her breathing even improved from four breaths a minute to eight - ten! We were all astounded. She lived for another four to five days after that. I continue to be brought to my knees at the depth of sorrow I am feeling over the loss of my Mom. Somehow I really thought I was ready for her to pass over, but I didn't understand the huge hole that would be left in not just my world, but the entire world. The entire world is different now that she is gone. I didn't expect that. So some lessons learned and 20/20 hindsight I have to offer:
My Mom's funeral was on June 22, a few days later, half of our family had COVID. I started having symptoms on Sunday night, June 26. By Monday morning, I had an extremely sore throat and headache. I am documenting this because I don't want to forget how much I suffered, because even while I was suffering, I knew there were lessons to be learned.
Despite being vaccinated and boosted, I got hit hard. Every time I swallowed, I felt like my throat was being cut by razors. I had to take 1000mg of acetaminophen to get that pain down to a 8/10 so I could tolerate eating and drinking. I had about a 2 hour period of slight relief and had to wait 8 hours for the next dose,. Knowing I could not take more than three doses a day (or I' could damage my liver). some days I only took 2 doses. I dreaded every swallow. I was exquisitely aware of every swallow. I realized I had taken my health for granted, down to the seemingly smallest gift of being able to swallow without thinking about it. The body aches were impressive - everything thing hurt - even my teeth! I developed a deep productive cough that was constant despite taking Vitamin C, Vitamin D3, Zinc, and Benzonatate. Sinus pressure was intense - I was taking medicine for that too. There was a high pitch in my ears and I felt as if I was experiencing every thing through a very thick substance, like thickened broth -translucent and murky. I was exhausted by the slightest task. By Thursday night, things were not getting any better, and I realized that there was no guarantee that I would live through this. That was very sobering and shocking. I told my husband Steve and my sister, that I felt like I was dying. I wasn't trying to be dramatic, it was just what I felt. This morning, I woke up and felt as if, on top of everything else, I was starting an infection in my left ear - pressure and pain was building. OMG, really? I DID notice that my throat was ever so slightly better. The pain in my ear got better a few hours after I took some ibuprofen. I can swallow now without pain. I have hope that I will live a bit longer. I was able to spend 20 minutes outside, sitting on a stool, trimming back my tomato plant. I am on the road to recovery. Here are the lessons I learned from my physical suffering that I know can help you to live a delicious life: 1. Suffering makes you live in the present, and teaches you to appreciate each moment you have, especially the easy ones. So why not be exquisitely aware of the sweet spots in life? The adorableness of your baby, the purity of flowers, the sherbet rainbow of colors in a sunrise? 2. Take time to count your blessings, don't take what you have for granted. i.e. give thanks for being able to breathe freely and swallow easily. 3. Friends and family are a great blessing. One friend made us a big pot of chicken soup (there was no way I was up to cooking!) One friend took our daughter to the airport, we didn't want to increase her chance of getting COVID by being in a small shared space. She made it back to school, and so far, so good. 4. There is never a guarantee of how long you are going to live. Put your things in order now. 5. Enjoy the simple things. 6. Your health is your wealth. 7. Sickness causes you to contemplate the meaning of your life and evokes some great questions that only you can answer. Like: What do you want to accomplish? What is your purpose? How do you want to be remembered? What legacy are you going to leave behind? And many more. 8. The importance of feeding your soul with uplifting and inspiring stories. I binged "The Chosen" and watched each episode of Season 1 and 2 for the third time. It helped me get through my suffering, and touched my heart all over again. 9. God is always in the picture, even if you can't or don't see Him. 10. The darkest hour is right before dawn. Trust and believe - make it a habit. 11. Feed your body good food, because real food is medicine. 12. What seems like a bad thing, may be a blessing in disguise. May this serve you. I'd love to hear lessons you have learned through an illness or one of life's difficult times. Leave a comment, or drop me a line at [email protected] Update 7-17-22 Here it is three weeks later and I am still experiencing symptoms. My husband felt sick for half a day. He had his 2nd booster, and I didn't. I will be sure to get mine! This has been a trial of patience and faith. My sinuses are still clogged, my hearing is decreased and my cough and fatigue are still present. I'm on my second round of antibiotics. I am s l o w l y getting better, but I want to be healthy NOW! This truly is an excellent reminder to value my health. Truly, our health is our wealth. It reminds me of a saying I heard: A person who has their health has many wishes. A person without their health only has one. I have noticed that I have more or prolonged symptoms if I eat sugar. So if you are in the middle of COVID, decrease your sugar intake, increase your fluids and eat lots of fresh fruits and veggies. The following link offers a delicious recipe that has several antivirals in the ingredients: www.feastingathome.com (Laksa Soup - Malaysian Coconut Curry Noodle Soup). |
AuthorSpiritual Foodie, Chef, Holistic RN, Healer Archives
January 2025
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