Reflections From The Bedside Of My Dying Mother (Part 1)

At the time of this writing, the morning of May 25, 2022, it's been nine days since my Mom's stroke and eight days since her heart attack, ten days without food and water.  She's 12 days short of being 99 years old.

We were able to bring Mom home on hospice. The Nurses and Staff have been wonderful.  I am a Nurse myself and have seen death many times, so you would think this would somehow be more understood by me, or easier for me.  It's not.  Watching her go through the labor pains of dying has been taxing on all of us. Saying that the first week was hard, is a grave understatement. Each successive day brings a deeper level of struggle - physically for my Mom, and physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually for me. As I say that, I wonder if it's the same for Mom?  The physical signs are easily seen, the other aspects can only be speculated on. Throughout this process, though unable to communicate, she has frequently looked reflective and contemplative, like she is going through and cataloging the many lessons and trials she experienced - perhaps gleaning deeper meaning from her almost 99 years.. Is she asking God why this is taking so long, as I  and my siblings are?  Is her faith waning a bit knowing that her many years of prayers for her to go quickly when it was her time is not being answered?  Again, I wonder.  

It's been five weeks since I started this post. It turned out that Mom passed that night, a little after 8pm.  I basically moved in with her when we brought her home on hospice.  We were told from the time she left the hospital that her time was close, so we expected her to pass quickly and easily. That didn't happen. I wanted to be with her when she passed. I had the experience all planned out! Ha! After six days with little sleep, I gratefully accepted other family members taking "watch".  

My husband Steve came over to Mom's house to do the 8pm to midnight shift. The plan was for me to relieve him at midnight. So at 8pm, I went to bed and was saying my prayers. I started talking to my Mom, telling her the door for her to go through was to the right of her (more on that in a different post), as I was talking to her, I heard my sister in law's phone continue to ring. I told Mom that if she couldn't see the door, then look for the light, and if she couldn't see the light, then just ask God where to go. The phone stopped ringing and literally less than a minute later, Steve came into my room and said "I think she took her last breath"..... 

Stay tuned for more posts to come.

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