Grief, Grace and Gratitude

Grief, grace and gratitude. Grief and grace from God are automatic, meaning it is part of life that we humans have little or no control. Gratitude is a choice, and not always an easy one.

My mom died 9 months ago. Despite her being 12 days short of turning 99, her passing hit me like a ton of bricks.  I didn’t expect that. I didn’t realize she was such an anchor for me. I cried every day for six months. I couldn’t see her picture without shedding tears and feeling a deep emptiness in my heart. I don’t cry every day now, but there are moments, like at family gatherings, her presence is deeply missed, and my tears flow.

Everyone grieves differently, and this is where grace comes in. There are two types of grace. Grace of God, that is offered to us freely, and grace or kindness offered to ourselves and each other. I believe the grace of God is always available to us, but human grace is a choice, just like gratitude.

 I was born “sensitive”.  I learned to dislike that label because most people associate it with weakness. I don't. Not anymore.  I am an Empath. I feel things deeply and you  need some serious strength to do that. It took me a while to figure that one out. When I did, it was easier to offer myself some grace…

Which brings me to gratitude. There were many years I was NOT grateful for being born sensitive, I hated it. I hated how I was being judged wrongly. It’s taken 62 years for me to realize that I need to offer others grace for not understanding, and be truly grateful for my gift of sensitivity.  It opens me up to a lot of information that I can use to serve others. If you were a friend of mine, you would know what a gift it is to be listened to by someone who empathizes with your feelings.

I share all of this to bring you to a place of knowing that it may take you years to be grateful for hardships, or things that are unjust and unfair. There are heart-wrenching experiences we each go through.  There are many questions I have for God as to WHY certain things happen. I flat out can’t understand the hate crimes, the greed, the wickedness that exists. I can hear my Grandma, and my Mom quoting one of their favorite scriptures: Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. This may take me another 62 years. But I am choosing to believe that ONE DAY, despite the grief, I will, WE WILL ALL experience grace and gratitude.