We were blessed to be able to bring Mom home to die. She was with us for nine days. It was intensely exhausting, wonderful, painful and sweet all wrapped up into one. She wasn't able to communicate or respond. She was unable to swallow, eat, or drink. She was bed bound.
We opened Mom's home up to family and friends who wanted to pay their respects to her before she passed. She had a lot of visitors. The second day, 48 people came! It was through all these visitors, I learned what the proper and best death bedside etiquette is. I was astounded that most people were not aware of how to behave at the side of someone's death bed. First of all, it's a sacred time and space. Reverence (deep respect) should be shown during your visit. All your attention should be focused on the person dying. Talking to them as if they are listening, is great, because they are listening! Sharing what you learned, or how you were helped, or what you are thankful for by having known that person is healing for you, for the person dying, and for their family. If there are many people in the room, the focus of the conversation can easily turn away from the person you came to pay your respects to. There was one time in particular that things became loud and about ordinary topics. The conversation was happening over Mom and had nothing to do with her. At first, I didn't know how to prevent that. I didn't want anyone to feel chastised, So I asked my oldest brother early on to greet people at the door, to welcome them, and before bringing them back to Mom's room, to ask that once they were done visiting with Mom, they were welcome to return to the Living Room if they wanted to visit with others who were also there. This worked well. There was one time where immediate family members got into a topic that was quite charged. I softly said that what was being discussed was important, and asked that they could continue it in another room, so that the energy around Mom would remain peaceful and calm. They were really good about it and changed the subject and put the focus back on Mom. We're all human, and it's easy to forget that you are in a sacred space during the transition of the soul. The best example of how to conduct yourself was from one of the members of my Mom's Ward. It was her Bishop (Similar to a Father or Priest). He came into the room quietly. He nodded to the family members present and then went straight to Mom. He sat next to her, and without a word, took her hand very lovingly. I could feel him praying for her and then sending her energy. Tears streamed down his face. He was only there for a few minutes. He kissed her hand on his way out, and left as silently as he came in. Wow. That was powerful. It brings tears to my eyes now as I recall the experience. The second and last time he came, he followed his silent routine.. Before he left, he kissed her feet. OMG. The love in that simple act was so profound and beautiful! It opened a floodgate of tears then, as it does now. We are a Hawaiian family. Hawaiian style, on any occasion, includes music. There were friends and family who came to serenade Mom. There is something magical about the strumming of an ukulele blended with sweet voices. Mom and Dad used to serenade their guests when they came to visit, so it was so wonderful to have the sweet spirit of Hawaiian music filling the room. Our cousins came late one night and sang acapella for Mom. It felt like a piece of Heaven was beamed into the house. In summary, the best advice I can give you on making a visit to someone who is dying, is to bring a sense of sacredness, reverence and gratitude. These three things will make the experience a healing one for all who are present. I would love to hear any additional insights you may have on this. Comments are closed.
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AuthorSpiritual Foodie, Chef, Holistic RN, Healer Archives
August 2024
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